There are so many unanswered questions that a child goes to bed with and one of the most hurting one is "mommy why are you not with me the whole day like the mommys of the children next door?". "Why do I have to leave every morning with you and dad and then come back home only in the evening?" These are one of those many, many questions that a child asks, which of course go unanswered most of the time. The only difference between a child and an adult is that… we can frame our questions well and ask them with emotion and feeling but many children don’t, many are quiet and just learn to bear up. It may be a way of life and many righteous parents may be actually saying and giving a pat on their back thinking that they have made their child ‘independent’. But they are in such a misconception that leaving the child on his own and literally on his own make the child independent.
A child does think and reason out and he must isn’t it? The world is a struggle for survival whether one wants it or not we struggle from the very first breath we take outside the mother’s womb up to the time we breathe our last. A child struggles in a situation in which he has to depend on a care taker but not his mother. Even if he wants to express himself, he is conditioned not to because it is not his mom that he is expressing to, how will she understand? I have come across toddlers who feel the loss. And feeling lonely begins here. May be it is not defined according to our terms but here the psychological disease does take birth. Don’t you think when they can compare toys and the gifts, are they not able to compare themselves with their mates whose parents are waiting at the gate for them while they are being pulled or dragged to a bus which drops them to a baby sitter or some place but not home?
Anyway, it's evening and finally the child is home with his mom and dad. But even then what do you think? Are the parents with the kid consciously? The mother misses the baby the whole day and in theory she has to actually spend the rest of the hours only with her kid but it never happens in practice. It’s understood there are many things one has to do after reaching home. We cannot say that he missed two hours so be with him for two hours, its not mathematics. We think a couple of hugs and kisses and an occasional pampering solves the problem. But no, it doesn't. When it's time to sleep the child makes a million attempts to dissuade the parents from giving him that kind of day again. The child practically tries everything thing from crying, frustrating the parents, getting them angry but in vain. Finally he becomes quiet and silent and goes off to sleep, that silence speaks a lot, and it’s we who fail to listen.
Have we ever thought what are we making of that kid? We condition the child so well that soon he becomes "used to the situation". Since we all know it is just the matter of time to get used to things in life. Proudly we say in a social gathering among family and friends that “my kid is ok with it and he willingly goes to the baby sitter.”
Do we want our child to be insecure in life? Continuously living in fear of losing something or fearful of situations? Or rather do we want our child to be "so called" independent that he completely stops needing elders in his life and starts making life’s decisions all alone. Oh I forgot you have made him independent and when he is going through a problem he will try to solve it by himself and not come to you.
I have met many parents and I am talking about the ones who can manage really well and not the starving ones and I asked them “why do both of you work?” and why is one of them not with the kid? Can the mother really not be there for the kid? The answer many a times is “ we need to secure ours and our kid's future”. It has made me think a lot and wonder as well that we first damage the future and then we think we'll fix it.
If there is 0.1% chance that you can still for a few years be with your kid then please for heaven's sake… your child needs you today and now. We are not rearing animals, we are bringing up a human baby…isn’t it? And for all those couples out there, please if you are not ready then don’t go in for a child unless you know you are ready for one. The child needs you more than any security in the world that money can buy…think about it.
